However, I cared about my job, my reputation, and meeting everyone's expectations. So I set up extremely strong boundaries. Later on, I realized it was these boundaries that hurt me in the end. They kept me from getting to know the real him.
I was dedicated to my job. So, he was never allowed to see me when I was at work. He was only allowed to see me in a public place and with others present. We were never to be alone. We were to be forthright and honest from the very beginning. No one would misunderstand our intentions – clear and open communication on all sides.
I literally had him march up to my supervisor and declare his intentions to pursue me. I made announcements to everyone – to hold us accountable to these boundaries I had created. Created to protect me, the school, everyone involved so that there were obvious intentions all around. In fact, I was told by my supervisors that they were proud of me for my maturity and transparency.
All of this didn't matter. My desire to keep everyone happy would prove futile. I would be able to keep no one happy and the only consolation prize I had was him. This is exactly what he had planned. I was shunned from my ministry. I was torn away from my true passion – teaching at the university. I was sent away to a foreign land. All because of my relationship.
The desire was for the others to get me away from him. Nevertheless, it had the opposite effect – it drove me to him. Once the rest of my life was stripped away. I felt that he was the only good thing that remained. The problem was I was not allowed to communicate with him – I was never allowed to truly get to know him - I never saw it coming.
The six months spent apart romanticized the relationship. Every beautiful love letter, poem, song that was ever written was played over and over to give me strength to continue going on. Only positive was given to me continuously. The few negatives were easily dismissed because of the emotions of the forced separation. His beauty, love and enduring faithfulness were magnified over the Mediterranean ocean.
I never saw it coming. Every warning by anyone else was because they didn't know him like I did. Every person who tried to bring out his negatives were holding him hostage to his past. Every piece of anger was fueled by abandonment of a father when he was born. No one knew him as I did – so no one could speak “authoritatively” into our lives.
Don't get me wrong, I saw issues. I BEGGED for help. I was told that it was my responsibility – not theirs. I needed to get my affairs in order. So I took matters into my own hands, no matter how incapable they were. We both saw pre-marital counselors. Accountability partners were spoken to on both sides. We both had traumatic childhoods and I was not stupid. Just naive. I believed the people I spoke to who said they were helping him. I had faith in him.
I was wrong!
To Be Continued. . .
